Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
