the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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