Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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