No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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