I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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