I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
