can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
