Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hippo gnu deer
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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