the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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