God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
