Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
