Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
