They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
