i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
