nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
