dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
