This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
