Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
