I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
