i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
did i just pee glitter
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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