the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have tasted many bathrooms
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
