I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
