You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
