if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
