last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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