Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
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She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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