Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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