I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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