Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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