he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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