I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Someone signed my nipple.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
