the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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