i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
