Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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