I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Say something about gay babies.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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