Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Damn victory sex feels great
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
