he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
