It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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