This is not my ceiling
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
