can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize