So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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