I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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