Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
