I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
