the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
