I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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