im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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