he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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