you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
