Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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