Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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