I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it was like eating out sand paper
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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