how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
