Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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