I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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