I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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