I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
