those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
