Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
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She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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