Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
