Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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