mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
