this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
