Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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