I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
