Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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