this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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