I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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