I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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