I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
